A man goes into a pet shop and sees a parrot with no feet but he has an exceptionally long penis, and he uses it to stay on his perch. He is well-spoken and talks almost as well as any person, and has quite the intellect.
But because he has no feet, no one has ever been keen to buy him.
The parrot says, “Sir if you take me home, I will do my best to keep an eye on everything and let you know if anything in your home needs attention!”
He asks the clerk, “How much for this parrot?”
“Well,” says the clerk, “he’s been here for years, and no one has ever even asked me a price. You understand he has no feet, just a…”
“Yes, yes… I can see that. How much?” says the man.
“Well, I’d like to see him go to a good home, so how does $50 sound?”
“Sounds great! I’ll take him!”
So the man pays the clerk and takes the bird home.
The next day, the man comes in from work and asks, “So how were things around the house today?”
The parrot shakes his head and says, “Oh, not too good, not too good.”
“Why,” asks the man. “What happened?”
“Well,” says the parrot, “the mailman came by today and your wife greeted him in a negligee.”
“There’s more. She invited him in and they started kissing.”
“Oh no!” said the man, getting visibly upset. “What happened next?”
“She took the mailman’s clothes off.”
“Yes, she did.”
“And then what?”
“Well, then she took her negligee off.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me! What happened next??”
“I don’t know. My dick got hard and I fell off the perch!”